Discovering the true me in Eating Disorder
I have always disliked myself and never had any confidence at any stage of my life, if I am truly honest I hated myself
I wrote about my mental health journey about three years ago in an article titled “Me, Myself and Anxiety” and shared it on this site with the hope it would help other people going through similar experiences
Reclaiming your story through your shadow
The mystery of life is one that I’m not sure we’ll ever be able to unravel, even though some of us may never feel truly at rest until we have a distinct reason for why we are here
Navigating student life with an anxiety disorder
I remember the Saturday I moved to university. I’d never seen the campus or accommodation before but made the last-minute decision to go for it
Undiagnosed autism – a letter to my younger self
If you could see me now, you might not quite believe that it’s an older (and slightly wiser) version of yourself
Why i talk about mental health
I started my podcast in April 2021 because two teens in my local area both took their own lives in late 2020, both within a few weeks of each other. I started the podcast for them
What happens inside our minds when we are grieving? I have asked myself this question a few times, since my own mam, Eileen, passed away and I do not know. Something shifts around, in our minds, hearts, and souls
Opening the front door: Overcoming agoraphobia and severe anxiety
Agoraphobia is a form of anxiety that can grow so severe that you can’t leave your home. At its worst, my agoraphobia didn’t let me leave my bedroom
It’s a rainy, April morning in 2021. I’m sat at my desk with my headphones on, microphone positioned, staring at my psychologist on the other side of a webcam wondering: “Why is she so focused on the arguments in the car?”
Grappling with medication and inconsistency in the mental health services
Recently I managed to misjudge the amount of tablets that I had and ran out before I could order more
You are never alone, no matter how lonely you feel
When 2020 came to a close, I was going through one of the most difficult periods of my life. Not only were we in another lockdown but I was writing my dissertation from home while also experiencing my first ever ending of a serious relationship
Most of my life I calculated whether I was a good human being by whether other people were happy with me. As a child my parents fought a lot and my mind quickly decided that if I wasn’t able to make them feel better I was failing
My journey with an eating disorder
Out of nowhere this morning, the mention of Eating Disorders Week at the beginning of March gave me an intense desire to share something that I never thought I would want to share openly
Important things I’ve learnt since I recovered from bulimia
I started dieting when I was just 16 years old. A combination of being bullied at my previous school, along with some unsolicited comments about my body
When you think of low self esteem or self worth, you probably think this is a condition only that teenage girls have to overcome. But what about boys and men? What does it look like? It meant that I was constantly comparing myself to others
Alcohol – A sticking plaster on a broken leg
Drinking brought relief. It gave me a window of a few hours in which to feel ok. The mornings after were frequently dreadful but at least I had been able to breathe for a part of the previous day
Sending out love to everyone struggling with how they feel inside their bodies right now, I know from experience it’s a horrible, lonely & seemingly never ending place to be
The loss of a parent is devastating. Never something we plan for. It turns our world upside down, leaving us in a state of shock, grief, heartbreak and despair. When a parent dies unexpectedly we are not prepared
Reflections of being in therapy for a year
I’ve found it’s possible to lie to the therapist, to social media or even in the deepest one on one holy moment with a close best friend
Learning i’m worth getting help
I make no secret that I’ve suffered from depression; it’s something that snuck up on me in the form of negative thoughts that chipped away at my self-esteem until I was left feeling worthless. By the time I realised I needed help, I had decided I was not worth it
It was a Saturday morning and I woke up in the acute psychiatric ward in Ennis, Co. Clare
I couldn’t leave the house, it had been a few days and I knew a familiar pattern had encroached. I was stuck. I wanted to go out, it seemed such a lovely day. The winter sun shone through and it was dry and clear
Coming full circle with mental health
Like so many others, once Covid hit and lockdown was upon on us I had time on my hands and time to think. For someone like myself who suffers from Anxiety, having time to think isn’t always beneficial. But, this time it was different
How writing saved my life, a journey
Do you know what it is to feel like you’re drowning? Your lungs are filling up with water, you’re forgetting how to breath, everything is slowing down and you’re running out of time
Today I cried bucket loads and feel about as low as I’ve ever felt. While trying to work my chest felt tight with anxiety as tears leaked down my face. I had to skip some scheduled meetings, and now I’m left feeling like the biggest failure
Don’t they say you have to make it by 30?
I experienced 2 years of major shifts within 4 years of each other leading up to age 29 among a few other key points in my life. My company went broke, relationships were changing, friends got married or moved away
Living with panic attacks: Difficult, yet possible
I always felt that time is a key component in many issues. We hurry and worry. We struggle and get a win. Time management seems something accessible in out fast-paced pressurized modern world
Creating a world where women can feel angry and men can cry
A vital factor in my personal growth was understanding that there is nothing wrong with communicating and feeling negative emotions such as sadness and anger
In the space of five days, I heard seven of my school classmates say that they wanted plastic surgery/botox when they were older. Their explanation: they didn’t like their bodies. These girls were only sixteen
Successfully living with schizoaffective disorder
For almost 15 years I have lived with an acute mental illness known as schizoaffective disorder. For me, this illness manifests itself in episodes of mania, depression and psychosis
Finding my calling in introversion
Thanks to constant the positive reinforcement in social media by now we at least understand that introversion is a personality trait and not a weakness or negative characteristics in humans. Though we still have a long way to go but we will reach there eventually
A personal path to moments of Micro-Patience
The light turns green, the white Honda Accord in front of me seems to sit even more motionless than it had been while the light was red. The longest three seconds of all time pass
After the Pandemic cracked & bruised but not broken
What will we think in 10 years’ time when we look back and reflect on the years that were 2020 & 2021? Certainly, this was a period like no other. We will be part of history, survivors of a worldwide collective trauma
My mental health, like so many other people, is something that I have struggled with for many years. Struggles with mental health affect people all around us in different ways, even though we might not be aware
The panic attack that changed my life
It was about 7pm, in late November 2018. I was boarding a flight from London to Dublin following a meeting with one of our clients where I had presented our latest work to a large group of senior execs
2018; in contrast to my colourful active Instagram profile, this was a low year - it is when all of my silent struggles, came to a boiling point. I suffered nearly every day with generalised anxiety and suffered panic attacks
My journey from grief to finding myself
22 years ago my journey with poor mental health and weight issues began, I had always been little I was born to a family of what my dad endearingly terms hobbits or little people, I was an average weight like most kids I had some puppy fat etc
At the ripe old age of 41, let me tell you a story. Some parts are good, some sad, some hilarious and some tragic. However, I tell you in the hope that you hear, truly hear, the message. If you are struggling, REACH OUT – the sooner the better
The not-so-age-old question: What does a panic attack feel like?
What does a panic attack feel like? A question I get so often but words fail to give an appropriate answer. I always try but have never given it justice
Oh, Dear Little Old Me Just Let Me Be, Vain and without Pain, I have told you “I am Grand”, Please go away, Let Me Be, Little Old Me. But Why Not Cry???? So that We can be More than you and Me
I got up this morning, turned on some Jazz music (as opposed to the TV which has the potential to suck me into binge-watching!), had breakfast, did some journaling, did some much-needed apartment cleaning
Dealing with mental health while recovering from physical trauma
It’s been almost a year since I last competed in my sport. For as long as I can remember I’ve been a fighter and while every athlete has a sell-by date, what happens when that date is fast-tracked
Breaking up with social media, for a better relationship with myself
Imagine you are in a crowded room; everyone is shouting, everyone is hurting, everyone is angry, the volume gets increasingly higher over time as nobody feels heard
After the terrible news of the suicide of Caroline Flack, someone who I have followed online and really liked her positive energy, zest for life and lovable personality, I wanted to write down a few words on suicide and mental health
It’s difficult to remember in these times, that love once prevailed in your heart over fear. It may even be hard to distinguish the two, but be comforted in the knowledge that they are separate entities
When I was 7 years old, my mother died. That’s when my depression started. I didn’t realise it until many years later. I was a kid, not really understanding all the attention and sad eyes I was getting off people
Looking for a signal fire, a red alert is always a justifiable way for me to keep going. I know there will be no sign from a god in a white robe or angels circling the proximity of my emotions
Last night I dreamt of a horseman speeding past me. He collected a dead woman’s body of the left hand side of the road. I chased him with my pitchfork in my left hand Down a very straight dark road
I wonder what happens when I remove myself from the structures that make up my life. Computers, television screens, even news outlets, all designed to give the illusion of connection
When I was little, mum and I would scamper away from the platform to hide inside the station if I saw or heard an orange train bombing toward us down the line. Remember them, the orange trains?
The beautiful benefit of accepting our suffering
Whether you’re dressed from head to toe in Penny’s or Gucci it’s a common misconception that a smile is the finishing touch to most outfits
Is it ok not to be okay? – Society’s Last Taboo
One of my earliest memories is knowing that I was going to die. Not fearing it, not worrying about it but viscerally experiencing the moment
But you are such a confident person! How could you have panic attacks?
But you are such a confident person! How could you have panic attacks? Wow, if only I had €1 for every time somebody said this to me over the past 8 years
This Winter has hit me harder than any previous year. Previous to this college year I had spent the past year and a half abroad, so when I came back to reality I knew it would take me a lot of mental effort to get through the Winter season
My mind is a colourful wasteland, where a wildflower has grown – Part four
Fast forward to 2020, I’ve had my world flipped upside down countless times, sometimes I wonder have I just been very unlucky or am I prone to traumatic experiences?
My mind is a colourful wasteland, where a wildflower has grown – Part three
What was life? I questioned everything and everyone around me, including myself. My spirit had broken and I didn't even know how to put myself back together
My mind is a colourful wasteland, where a wildflower has grown – Part two
I was in a battle with anxiety and depression for the entirety of my teen years. I had bad experiences but I often get flashbacks and memories of my childhood
Mind matters: New Year’s Resolution – I’m going to be less stressed
I have heard this mantra many times since the beginning of the year, in various forms but with the same hopes, that we will manage to lessen the stress in our lives in the coming year
My mind is a colourful wasteland, where a wildflower has grown – Part one
The earliest memory I have of hearing the word anxiety takes me back to when I was 6 years of age and I was hit by a car with the driver drunk behind the wheel
Resolve to love yourself, to practice simple self-care and slow down
If like me, you’re halfway through January 2020 without a new year’s resolution in sight, I applaud you. This year, I decided that “new year, new me” wasn’t an option, that it was time to stop berating myself
Apparently, I’m “a rock”. According to a litany of family members, friends, ex-girlfriends, I share many of the same properties as a slab of granite or a lump of marble. They see me as being almost impervious to pressure and able to take on the load-bearing duties
Taking Pen In Hand: Writing and Seeking Solace
You have heard of the expressions, "You drive yourself crazy" and "Don't drive yourself crazy." When you have lost a loved one to suicide, as I have, your mind becomes uncontrollably overwhelmed
Toxic comments and my New Years Buzz
After three particularly challenging years, my buzz word for 2019 was boundaries. I successfully implemented them with my mother and siblings
A personal account of surviving the break
For many people, Christmas can be such a joyful time, but it can also be an unexpectedly lonely time of year for all sorts of very valid reasons
So, we’ve overcome yet another year. 2019 is gone and we’ve begun 2020, a new year and a new decade! Some people don’t believe in new year’s resolutions and laugh at the “new year, new me” slogan that everyone is accustomed to saying
How I learned to stop being socially anxious and love my life without alcohol
My social life used to consist of heading down to the corner bar to see what or who was happening
Sober living as a twenty-something-year-old
Have you ever done Dry January? I’ve done it three times now. This coming January is not only my fourth Dry January, but it’ll also be my 37th consecutive month without alcohol
The truth: A trainee psychologist perspective on mental health
I’ll be honest. I started the journey to become a psychologist in order to become an expert at managing my own emotional experiences, so I could help others manage theirs, so I could fix the world...
How I Tackled a Body-Focused Repetitive Behavior and How You Can Too
Body-focused repetitive behaviours are habits like biting lips or picking at hair
I better give you a little introduction on who Frank is or you’ll probably think I’m writing some weird letter of complaint to Frank from down the road. During a counselling session, I was asked to describe how I feel
Speaking out for my dad and brother
A Roscommon woman has spoken out on Facebook about how the Irish Mental Health Service has failed her family. Leah Cull from Arigna in County Roscommon lost both her dad and her bother to suicide
The bittersweet complication of new love and loss. Parenting children without a father and the art of accepting a new male role model in your children's life
I had a choice to take my own life
I nearly chose to end my life, but I made a good choice that day when I didn’t! Life is full of choices. But then there are the times when we have no choice whatsoever
30-year-old filmmaker, Michael Lee Aldridge from Athy, Co. Kildare, created a documentary about mental health. ‘You’re Not Alone’ documentary looks at how someone learns to deal with their mental health struggles
There are a lot of myths and stereotypes around taking medication for mental health issues. They are used as the butt of jokes or insults such as “have you taken your meds today?”
Eliminating the negative stigma associated with anti-depressants
When it comes to treating mental health issues such as anxiety and depression, there are many al-ternatives and things you can turn to
October began the start of a slowdown, the go-slow seeping forth like thick pumpkin soup spilt on the countertop. The darker mornings bringing foggier risings from a cosy bed
OCD comes of age: My wrestle with the beast
We all have intrusive and distressing thoughts occasionally. Mary might see a woman on the news who suffocated her elderly mother with a pillow for talking during Love Island and think "Imagine if I did that!?"
This is my brother before and after, Who was once full of fun and laughter, until he became sick, Then he was so ashamed, and who was to blame? Mr Minister, and HSE and lack of care are on the list
An Open Letter to My Brain: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Is Just a Tumour
I used to think you were defective, demonic; evil personified. A fantastical beast plucked from the vividest imaginings of hell
Love may be the greatest drug of all
It’s peculiar how love can take a hold of you. It locks you in its grasp, sometimes so tightly that it's hard to breathe. But the release gives way to moments of pure ecstasy. This year, I’ve been thinking a great deal about love
Discovering Peace within with Transcendental Meditation
Over the last little while, I have been introduced to the part of myself that’s underneath my conscious mind. It is a place of peace and serenity and I honestly find it hard to believe how I haven’t indulged in it before now
Minority Mental Health Awareness in Ireland
This is to bring awareness to the unique struggles that underrepresented groups face regarding mental illness
There were just 21 minutes left in suicide awareness day. All day I’d had the urge to write something. I even went to a coffee shop with the intent to write, but didn’t
Grief is just love with nowhere to go
Instantly, I felt I’d lost something. My friend and foe, my mind, my marbles, my sense of the world. At the very same time I found something, something I wasn’t looking for, something that was to overwhelm me
I vividly remember an English class when I was 14 where random students were being asked to read a paragraph from a book. My heart was thumping, my head was spinning, my hands and legs felt weak
“You must be having the best time ever”. The same words said to me from each conversation from relatives at home as they look at my life through the screens on their phone
Is the best way to deal with your past, or should you just take a leap?
Dear reader, here’s a little fruit for thought. Is it possible to move on from your past but not fully let it go and can ‘not letting it go’ be right thing for you
We have just moved to Sligo, me, my 8 year old son, our two dogs and our hamster Bear. Bear is the smallest member of our family with the biggest name and the biggest heart. So Sligo here we are, one and a half weeks in and life is good
A Smiling Face Doesn’t Guarantee “Happiness”
A smiling face does not always mean that a person is happy. Smile is something that can hide anything which is going on in a person’s mind
