‘After-thoughts – After-sharing’

That feeling of shame……….of fear………..of regret maybe……..after sharing something very personal. A redness to the cheeks. Thoughts of ‘Who is reading this?’ ‘What do they think of me now?’ ‘Maybe I should ask for this post to be taken down’. This is the very reason that people remain silent. The fear of being judged. The stigma.

I am aware of it. I notice it in myself, about myself……..…and I have to try very hard not to give in to its powerful presence at times. (Like not asking for my recent article to ‘A Lust For Life’ to be taken down.)

There is nothing wrong, weak or shameful about opening up. I am saying this for myself as much as I am for readers of this piece. I actually see it as a strength. I read articles about others personal stories, I listen to interviews with people opening up about their own challenging times and I have friends who also confide in me when they experience a difficult patch, and I have nothing but admiration for their honest sharing.

I am immediately drawn to someone when they take the leap and give voice to that often unspoken place deep within. It is important and when the timing is right, and it feels safe to, it is worth taking the step.

We are made up of many parts. Of many emotions. Of many thoughts. Of many skills. Of many talents. Of many gifts. Of many unique characteristics. Of many strengths. Of many weaknesses. We are unique. We are not infallible. We are not immune to the unexpected twists and turns that life can present. Try as we might, we can all find ourselves in a fog, at a crossroads or just questioning the purpose and reason for it all. That’s okay. It’s normal and absolutely natural to feel the full extent of our emotions throughout life.

Just because, at times, we have found ourselves in a bit of a dip at one point in our life…….this does not define us. No. Not at all. Again, I am saying this for myself as much as I am for the readers of this piece. Because that is my fear. That people read something about you, or hear something about you……..and then they attach a label to you. She/He has (fill in word here). Again, I think this is why people are reluctant to share (even with those they trust), because there is a fear of being judged, labelled, stigmatised.

We don’t have this fear when it comes to saying ‘I have asthma’ or ‘diabetes’ or ‘iron deficiency’. Also, these low points or challenging times in our lives do not last. They are impermanent and pass. But it is a lot more difficult to endure these times alone and quietly if you cannot talk to someone about it.

I have huge admiration for all of the contributors to this site, and all those who speak openly about a stormy time in their life. For me, it makes me realise, that regardless of how sorted, successful or apparently content and happy people appear to be, there is usually a story there about a not so happy time in their life. Maybe it was a job loss, a financial hit, negative equity, the loss of a loved one, a period of depression, a health scare, infertility, loneliness, a relationship break-up, the housing crisis, an abusive situation, a social or generalised anxiety, a dysfunctional relationship within a family or seeing a loved one in pain. There are many reasons.

We are all walking around with parts of ourselves that we do not share with everyone. Of course we’re not going to share the deepest parts of ourselves with every person we meet. But it certainly helps when you can confide in someone, or people, you trust. You’ll probably find they respond with words almost echoing your own sharing. Or simply offer that supportive listening presence you need. In time, you will begin to feel much better, and that gnawing weight inside will gradually become smaller and smaller, lighter and lighter.

Life is for living. Not for suppressing. Not for hiding. Not for withdrawing. Not for feeling shame. Not for comparing. Not for fearing judgement. Not for diminishing in size and not for remaining silent because you are afraid, lost or confused.

Open up and watch the world open up to you.

We have but one life.
Start today.
Living your true life.

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”
Martin Luther King Jr.

If you have time, these interviews are worth a watch:

Majella O’Donnell (2mins)
Michael Harding (2mins)
Jason Black (40 mins)