‘Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m possible”‘ ~Audrey Hepburn’
What extremities does it take for us to go through in order to actually care for ourselves like we would a loved one or a friend? What’s sick enough? Where does it start and when does it end? How much is enough? As I was going through my own recovery journey I had to stop and take account of what tools and strategies were actually aiding me. This required a lot of self-honesty and streamlining. As every recovery journey is unique to the person undertaking it, what works for one individual may not necessarily fit for another…and hey – that is OKAY. What is important is that you sit with yourself and take stock, what works for you?
Here’s some of things that helped me:
1. TRUST your therapist – work for you and work with them, they have your best interests at heart.
2. Explore the whole concept of SELF-CARE. This was so confusing for me and always something I’d advise others to practice but would never engage myself for fear I’d actually feel better. Gradually and unbeknownst to myself I have actually managed to incorporate some self care acts into my daily life; it can be as simple as moisturising after a shower, getting a coffee in a local cafe, sitting out in the garden at home and just enjoying nature, listening to a cool playlist on Spotify, enjoying Yoga practice-truly letting myself connect my mind and body and just letting myself flow using grounding and soothing breaths, creating my own playlists of feel-good music and poems/speeches that I find inspiring, talking to friends and family, getting a hug, making collages of photos and quotations that inspire me…I’m finally learning what comforts me and I’m learning to use self care slowly but surely. At the end of the day slow and steady wins the race. Liberate yourself and legalise self-care.
3. SELF-TALK. Think about it…would you speak to a loved one or friend the way you speak to yourself some days? How we speak to ourselves influences the reality we experience on a daily basis. Let’s be honest…we all like to bash ourselves with a big ole stick sometimes….Imagine replacing all that negative chit chat in your lovely precious mind with some positive shpeel instead? It would certainly make for more pleasant viewing that’s for sure. A CBT analogy that can be helpful in terms of aiding visualization…see yourself replacing any red/unhelpful thoughts with green/more self-serving, loving thoughts. Pluck the weeds out of the mental mire and start planting some new seeds that will aid self-love, growth, confidence and esteem…most importantly I guess a belief in yourself, that you can do it, you are worth it, you are valued and you are loved more than you will ever know.
4. SELF-CREDIT; give credit for anything no matter how small it may be; be it from being gentle with self if you’re a little irritated to helping out someone or simply just showing up to school or work. Self credit can be given for anything, the only effort required really is that you actually let yourself acknowledge it and feel the credit, writing it in a list helps. At the end of every school day, my class of junior infants and I always pat ourselves on the back and say ‘Well done me’…it is so wonderful hearing their gentle voices affirming themselves chorally.
5. Give GRATITUDE and thanks for anything you wish, all the blessings and people in your life that you already have! Writing a list is lovely-it’s feel good as once you start you learn to see you have a lot of things to be grateful for be it from a lovely cup of tea to a super family and loving support system. The list is always available for you to reflect on or even brighten a day when you may be feeling down.
6. Find a HOBBY that can take you out of your mind for a little reprieve. I tend to overthink a lot and lately I’m learning about things that give me a break from my head so to speak from practicing being in the moment when putting on my make-up, Yoga (I get something out of it every time I practice), colouring into a book, looking up quotes, listening to music, making collages with photos of scenery I take. Main thing is that you enjoy it and get a sense of distraction whilst doing it. It can be anything, remember you get to decide, it’s for you!
7. KEEP IT SIMPLE; we tend to over complicate just let the pressure go! Keep it simple it will be okay! And remember you are doing the best you can. Even if you just got dressed and went to work /school today…that is a great achievement!
8. Excuse my French here but there’s a great book called ‘F@CK IT’ by John C Parkin, it’s severity in language can help one in responding, albeit abruptly, to the negative chit chat that can quite often occupy the mind! That one phrase alone may help to shift from the overwhelming catastrophic thinking, In sum John advises to just say…. F@ck It and let go as best you can.
9. REASSURE yourself as much as possible; you’re doing the very best you can at this moment in time.
Don’t compare you, your journey, your life, your relationships etc to others. This is a huge no no and just sends you around in a loop of negativity that there’s no way on earth you’d feel good after. Say to yourself ‘I know I am good and everyone else is different’ , ‘I am perfect exactly as I am’. Make a list of empowering Affirmations that you can resort to, to empower yourself regularly.
10. BREATHE. In and out. Gently. Connecting to the breath is so grounding and a brilliant way to get you into the present moment. It’s readily available and free with no data charges imagine #use it.
11. Movies, TV shows, light heartedness-can’t go wrong, pick something that you can just watch(even if its done so mindlessly) and let all the thoughts fly passed, okay so they wont just fly past like the swallows in summer but they will help take you out of your head-space even if it is literally for just a minutes reprieve. Writing some learnings or a reflection particularly after a film can be helpful too as it gives us goal orientated people a focus :)
12. Use your SENSES, again great for grounding and bringing one into the present. What do you hear? What do you feel? What do you see? What do you taste? What do you smell? I try to practice this particularly on days when my mind has been very busy. I find it to be grounding but challenging at the same time, as all your mind wants to do is to race off like the infamous roadrunner ( cue the ‘beep beep’) so just do your best.
13. ACCEPT compliments. Just say thank you. My Nan and Mum always say that a compliment is like a gift and by not saying thank you you’re kinda insulting the giver. So just accept it and say thank you. Proudly! I’ve started to write mine out; what was said and who said it, and then I add them to a cute little box (which you could make and design/decorate yourself). Reading over them is a lovely thing to do when your mood might be a little low.
14. My friend Mary-Teresa, a guru of mindfulness in my opinion gave me a great tip before; to think of thoughts as buses that come in and out of your head, don’t attach to them them. Just imagine you at the bus station and let all the unhelpful buses drive on, let those thoughts go! Visualization can be very effective as you actually get to imagine them drifting away…it’s like putting all the worries into a box really and seeing them shipped to somewhere like, I don’t know….Timbuktu?
15. Be GENTLE with yourself. We tend to hold the value of hardship far to close to our hearts for some reason. What I now know is that it does little to serve the self, in fact it only makes you fight yourself and feel worse. You know best. Trust yourself and ease up on yourself. Let go of the crutches and values that don’t serve you. Create a new support system with values and people that enhance you and let you flourish.
16. You are a HUMAN being not a human doing. Pursuing busyness does nothing but run you into the ground. Let your mind and body heal. Be kind to you.
17. Embrace the MOMENT. There are many wonderful moments there for us to enjoy in each day. Unfortunately society today tends not to savour and appreciate the value of a moment these days, be a rebel, start your own trend-value moments, value life. Those moments will become wonderful memories and you’ll be glad you made them :)
18. I recently watched a video clip of a Super Soul Sunday Session with Oprah and Maya Angelou. Maya is a major role model for me personally. Her words truly inspire and empower me, they resonate with me, so I feel I actually learn from them and use them in daily life. In this particular episode Maya spoke about the concept of self-preservation, the importance of setting boundaries when you as human being may tend to give just that bit too much of yourself away to others to a point where you become drained and have little charge left in you when it comes to soothing yourself in daily life. Maya advises that you must keep a space within yourself just for you, no-one else just you! Sounds selfish? Not really…as the old saying goes ‘You can’t pour from an empty cup’. Let yourself recharge the batteries, give to yourself, you will be all the better for it.
19. FILTER. Think about the company you keep. Sometimes dealing with your own head space is enough, so do you really need the company of someone or something that drains you on top of that? DISCLAIMER-the following question requires a lot of self-honesty: Do you surround yourself with people who drain you or radiate you? Start looking towards building a new support network whereby you develop the relationship with you at the foundation of the pyramid with self-care and the likes, and then add in the people, values, hobbies etc., that complement the budding relationship with yourself that you have given priority to. You deserve your own time too. Let yourself heal, grow and flourish further into you, you will be surprised that you will actually have more to give to others when you look after yourself first.
20. RECOVERY-As the famous Nike mantra says…’just do it’.
21. ‘Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it’ – Greg Anderson…
Therefore…ENJOY the journey!
Thank you for reading, I wish you every happiness 😊
‘With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy’ ; Taken from ‘Desiderata’ by Max Ehrmann
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