“The more healthy relationships a child has, the more likely he will be to recover from trauma and thrive. Relationships are the agents of change, and the most powerful therapy is human love.” ― Bruce D. Perry, The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist’s Notebook
As a therapist working with children in traumatic situations, the priority is always to develop a relationship with the child first before the real work begins. What I mean by this is that the therapist must build a level of trust within the relationship before progress and healing can occur.
If the relationship between teacher and student is healthy this allows the child to grow to their full potential. We all have memories of our schooldays and often we remember the negative aspects more easily.
But returning to school, issues may be magnified for children as we do not know how much stress and anxiety they may have experienced during the holidays. They may have gone through bereavements, funerals, separations, or other family crises. All the usual challenges that children face may have been magnified without the benefit of good school structure and the safety provided by every member of staff they meet every day they come to school. Each time a child is shown kindness, a smile, or a greeting, by the adults she meets in school it is like money in the bank for their emotional well-being.
How can we do this? The first step in achieving success in unknown territory is to understand that each of us brings our own individual experiences to bear on our job.
Each of us have had experiences during the past years that are positive and negative and although these may have been different for each of us, our mental health can often be affected. Everything we have learned during this time will impact how we approach new situations.
We have re-evaluated our position in our families, in our living conditions, in our roles, responsibilities, and relationships. We have begun to appreciate what others must go through or we have become cynical and hardened with all the challenges we have faced.
We all must become more conscious of the energy we bring, and the impact we have on others. While this advice is being provided to help with transition for children, I believe a lot of success can be achieved if we practice the skills of awareness and compassion on ourselves first.
Over the past few years, we have been inundated with the word “Mindfulness”. I have been a huge fan of mindfulness before it even became the go-to remedy for every ill. But my commitment to mindfulness was not learned from studying or books, but from personal experience of life, and learning how every minute is valuable; each minute may be last one we have with someone. It comes from my culchie upbringing in Wicklow where the snow would keep us locked in for days – you had to be prepared for that. But most important all, it came from compassion for people who needed help without always knowing how to say thanks or being able to pay for it.
Beginning with ourselves, we can check-in on the following five points:
Mind: Thoughts, focus, mental clarity
Body: Notice sensations
Breath: Holding or restricting
Emotions: Feelings and associations
Energy: Fatigued or energised
If we can remember to devote a brief period to this checklist, it helps us to stay positive and it will help us manage what the children may need from us.
Our job with the children is not to try and fix or solve things, but to be there to listen and support them.
It may seem obvious but checking your own body language and facial expression when you meet the children can make a positive difference in regulating the child’s mood and the energy in a classroom. Considering how the senses – vision, smell, sound, body sensation, mental awareness and interconnection – can be experienced in a space that you oversee, is powerful. You oversee creating a new welcoming experience in the room for everyone, including yourself.
Today, there is a level of uncertainty and anxiety filtering through children. World events where they see other children displaced, or worse, and being forced to flee their own countries have affected their sense of confidence, security, and wellbeing. There may be children joining their class whose experiences have been horrendous.
Children are barometers of adult emotion and can feel any anxieties around them, so the first job you might have is to provide answers to the questions and anxieties they are carrying from these changes and events.
Their questions should be answered in an age-appropriate, calm and sensible manner. If there is something you are not sure about, it is great to be able to say something like, “You know, I’m not sure about that but I will try to find you an answer and come back to it.”
Therapists see this approach as giving answers in ‘digestible pieces.’ In other words there is no need to overload a child with complicated or confusing answers, but it is important to give them an honest answer.
We have to introduce more creative activities and gentle breathing or movement exercises for their needs to be met. The impact of trauma can often be identified in children by reactions to sudden movements and loud noises, and they may become sensitive to triggers we may not even think about.
I invite you to reflect on what could be happening in the room, bearing in mind the points raised in this article and think about how these observations could impact everyone.
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