I have written this after losing my son Matthew in August 2016 at the young age of 25. He spent the last 3 ½ years of his life in Australia, and he loved it. He was “living the dream” as he would often quote. He had a world of friends.
His dream ended on the 8th August 2016. He took his own life.
Since Matthew died I’ve been asking myself the question what is Suicide? Why are people afraid of the word Suicide? Why are people afraid to talk about Suicide?
Was it something we did wrong as parents? We teach our children to walk, to talk, eat, drink, love, etc. We do our best for our children. We have hopes and dreams for our children. Why are so many people committing Suicide? A lot of Questions and very little answers…
Suicide is a word, just the same as Cancer, Depression, Leukaemia, Schizophrenia, Anxiety, Narcissistic, Diabetes, Stress, Allergies, the list is endless. Suicide is a sickness, an illness, and a disease. But it’s one we don’t know how to deal with, it’s one we have no answers to, it’s one we can’t always detect.
Suicide can happen to anyone, to the child being bullied in school, or at home. To the teenager who doesn’t get their own way. Or someone who has other health issues like depression or anxiety, etc. It’s the person who can’t deal with life and the pressures in life. Bullying in the workplace, it’s the person who doesn’t want to grow old and be a burden on family or society, again the list is endless…
Suicide is a sickness that can’t be detected in a lot of cases. It’s a sickness that is not recognised as a sickness because there is no medication for it; there is no diagnosis for it….. Or is there???? We can’t pin point it – or can we????
I asked my son Matthew many times to help me understand suicide. Being a Reiki Master (energy healing) I took time with my thoughts and my inner self and asked this question.
One night after a meditation of Doreen Virtues, I awoke at 1.15am and couldn’t go back to sleep, I was between awake and sleep, my son being on my mind again I asked him to help me understand Suicide. I could see his mind in a bubble and as if my son spoke to me though I couldn’t see him, he replied “Mam I’m sorry my mind was in a fog, I couldn’t see or think beyond the place I was at”.
While I could understand what he was telling me, I asked how we can stop this. How can we stop people getting into this bubble? After all there is loads of help out there, my son had loads of friends, but yet, he like so many couldn’t talk to anyone.
The very young child’s mind is carefree. The teenagers and young adult mind is a different story. The adult’s mind is under pressure too. So what can we do for ourselves when our minds are so full? What can we do to stop the mind getting into that bubble?
The scale is so wide for suicide, that fixing the issue it has to be something one can do for oneself.
It is only something you can do for you.
I remember reading one time if every child from the age of 8 learned how to meditate life would be so very different. But the word meditation is like the word suicide, it scares people, they think it’s a witch thing, a cult, a weird thing we can’t be doing. But it’s not that.
It’s taking 5 minutes for yourself, for your mind, for your thoughts for your feelings, and for your life. Our bodies are no different than things in our life. If you have a car you have to look after what’s under the bonnet, if you have a house you have to look after the rooms in that house. We all have a body, a body we look after on the outside but there is an inner body, inner mind and inner soul, we don’t look after them.
By taking 5 min on a daily basis and using a simple 3 breathe technique is all it takes to start, and help deal with a lot of problems in your life.
I go back to the teenager in secondary school, their life changes; they think they know it all, they think we as parents are stupid. They can’t handle stress, they can’t handle not getting their own way they can’t handle rejection, and they can’t handle life. They don’t take time out for themselves. They don’t take 5 min for the 3 breath technique.
We all need to learn how to deal with our feelings, we all need to learn how to have a healthy mind, and we all need to learn how to deal with our thoughts. I feel if my son Matthew or anyone else suffering depression, anxiety, suicide, problems in life, if they are thought to reach their inner self and deal with their problems, well I know there would be a different outcome and I know my son would be still alive today.
Wexford quays have started their night patrol as there is that many contemplating suicide. They are there to give someone feeling down a different outlook, but we can’t watch everyone 24/7 to see if they are going to take their own life.
So I go back to my son, how can we stop the mind getting into that bubble? It has to start and be taught from 8 years and upwards, to the teenager starting secondary school and to everyone young and old, teach them how to be able to deal with the inner you, your thoughts, your feelings, and teach them how to deal with them and let them go for a healthy mind and body. We need to teach ourselves as adults and young people how to have a healthy mind.
This is something you can do for yourself, anytime you feel the need. No one even needs to know you are doing it. It starts with a very simple 3 breath technique. There is no miracle in this overnight but on a regular basis, there are massive benefits.
Councillors, Suicide groups, Health Professionals, Teachers, Everyone needs to be taught how to breathe properly.
At the end of the day you need to do it for you. You need to do it for your mind. For your body. For your soul. For yourself and for your life.
You can’t blame yourself for someone who commits suicide; they chose to do this because they are unwell in this bubble. You can’t get into their mind.
But they can get into their own mind.
So let’s try to stamp out Suicide, Stress and Anxiety starting with the breath.
Make
Aware
Taking
Time
Heals
Everyone
Within .
Sleep tight Matthew, we love you xx
Help information
If you need help please talk to friends, family, a GP, therapist or one of the free confidential helpline services. For a full list of national mental health services see yourmentalhealth.ie.
- Samaritans on their free confidential 24/7 helpline on 116-123, by emailing jo@samaritans.ie
- Pieta House National Suicide Helpline 1800 247 247 or email mary@pieta.ie – (suicide prevention, self-harm, bereavement) or text HELP to 51444 (standard message rates apply)
- Aware 1800 80 48 48 (depression, anxiety)
If living in Ireland you can find accredited therapists in your area here:
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