Recovery

During the recent Mental Health Awareness Month I was asked to give a couple of interviews to the press about my mental health and how it has impact me over the years and my involvement in mental health organisations. I always find it difficult to condense into a relatively short space of time the emotional and psychological pain that I like many experience. This however appears to be somewhat easier to get across than the topic of recovery.

During one interview I was asked whether the public discussions about mental health and recovery were helpful to my own and others recovery. I have thought about this quite a bit in recent months and I have to say that I find it at times quite alienating and unhelpful. Yes talking about one’s own mental health struggle is therapeutic if one can find someone who will listen. But to see sports people and celebrities opening up about their mental health and how they are, as one sports person put it, “cured” is not something I or many people that I know can relate to. What I would find helpful even inspiring, is an account of someone who is struggling to make ends meet whilst raising a family; the unemployed person trying desperately to get into the Adult Mental Health Services but being told there is a long waiting list or that services have been cut due to funding; the person unable to tell their employer when asked why their performance is slipping that they have a mental health issue for fear of losing their job; the person in psychological crisis who had to wait eight hours in the local A&E department whilst fighting the urge to self harm or take their own life but who eventually came through; the person who has finally made it into the public health service only to be confronted by a different psychiatrist each time who clearly hasn’t read the file but prescribes even more medication rather than support or hope; even the person like me who is lucky enough to have private health care but still struggles at times to avoid being overwhelmed with emotional pain. These stories I can relate to.

Recovery isn’t a smiling sunny journey up to a psychologically pain free marathon running existence. Recovery is about being knocked back not just by that critical voice inner voice but by those who don’t understand that silence is not being antisocial, that emotional and psychological pain is not a chosen lifestyle. Recovery is about seeing your self worth little by little. Recovery is some days not having the strength to even think let alone function but taking a few steps forward when you are able. Recovery is not self pity, it is learning to self care. Recovery is knowing you are not alone in your pain. Recovery on a good day is believing there is hope, but on a bad day feeling hopeless. It is feeling so drained but knowing that you are not lazy. Recovery is about acknowledging the feelings of shame, guilt, self loathing that come at you like a tidal wave. Recovery is recognising that today no matter how crap I feel right now, is not as bad as it was this time last year.

If we are expecting people to “have the conversation” about mental health, include the vast majority of people not just the elite few. Let the conversation be realistic so it doesn’t alienate. But above all we need more accessible free or affordable mental health services where people can just drop in and talk. Its cruel to encourage people to open up about their mental health when there is nowhere for them to open up or get the support they need.