A Homecoming

About 6 weeks ago, I packed up my belongings and moved from my rented Drumcondra home back to my home place of Clare. This was not an easy decision – far from it – but a necessary one. I have spent the last 5 years carving out my career in Dublin and although there have been some great developments, in recent years I felt that I was barely progressing. Although, I am highly qualified, including 2 post graduate qualifications – my CV is richly diverse and I’m very proud of my achievements and experience. However, there was a point last year after endless revolving doors of interviews and no sign of an offer at the end that I really started to question things.

For most people, preparing for interviews takes a lot of time, energy and focus and often I would feel empty when I would get the email in my inbox that began with ‘thank you for taking the time to meet with us’. I never got used to that feeling of disappointment and that moment once again when I had to bounce back, dust myself off and trawl job sites for the umpteenth time. For me, I would always visualize myself in the routine of the role I’m being interviewed for – the commute, chatting to colleagues or just the luxury of having a regular income. These were my motivators, my driving forces in keeping me in that zone of putting my best foot forward. But it started to feel like I was reaching burn out. Chasing the dream, chasing a new start, chasing, chasing, chasing.

I was living in the north inner city of Dublin. I really liked the street I lived on, but because of the proximity to the city centre I could never escape the constant hum of traffic and the endless sirens – so quietness was in short supply. At times it felt stifling living the city life, no space to manoeuvre… but one place that offered me great solace was the Botanic Gardens and it became my go to whenever things really got on top of me.

My home life was becoming really difficult too – I was sharing a house with people who I was not close to or connected to so I started to feel very lonely and disheartened by how life was turning out for me. There was no straw that broke the camel’s back moment, just a continuation of feeling like things were not working out, that I needed to give myself the break instead of endlessly chasing it to no avail.

I am realising recently just how stressed out I was trying to keep life afloat in Dublin – wanting to move out but knowing how crazy the rental market is – it all just seemed impossible. I wanted things to work out, to see the path ahead clearer and not to be so bombarded with the hardships that potentially lay ahead if I continued struggling on. Going to counselling regularly helped me sift through all this and really it was thanks to this work that I was ultimately able to make the right decision for myself. I suppose in essence, my mental health was beginning to suffer with all of these situations that were building up for me.

So, now I am here in this peaceful corner of West Clare, and to say I am the most content I have been in a long time is an understatement. I really feel like I can breathe again! I spent the first three weeks housesitting for a family friend and this was such a blessing. I was able to gather myself and my thoughts as slowly I felt the decompression from a very stressful period in my life. Since being here, I am slowly figuring out a new plan that involves keeping an open mind to what opportunities may present in the coming days and months ahead. West Clare is a hive of creativity and there is a real buzz here that feels unexpected. Dublin has gigs and creative events on every night of the week – here is no different and there are plenty of cafe gigs, trad music and local artists putting on really interesting events. I plan to be part of it all in one way or another!

The uncertainty is there, it’s palpable and it’s daunting but it’s early days, and bit by bit I’m sure things will start to fall into place for me. It’s a totally different pace of life to what I’m used to but it feels calmer somehow. There is a less frantic, less chaotic quality to life here that I love. Of course, I miss my friends in Dublin and there is a certain isolation with starting this new chapter even if it’s within the familiar setting of home.

I have been relishing the freedom of cycling to and from town, going for swims and being here during the nicest summer I can ever remember has been the cherry on top. It feels right to be here and even though I am still adjusting and no doubt there will be bumps along the way, I haven’t looked back once.