Being truly present in the now has never been my strong point. I fret over past mistakes and agonize over future challenges. The ‘now’ often has very little room in my consciousness. Like a cat stuck in a lift with two elephants, space is very much at a premium.
Or at least that was the case until one cold and frosty morning on the 5th of January 2020. I decided to drag myself out of bed at 6AM and drive the 45 minutes from my home to The Black Valley – a remote area of outstanding natural beauty just outside Killarney, County Kerry. Being immersed in nature had always helped calm my anxiety but that morning spent there marvelling at the perfect mirror reflection of the mountains in the lake changed me in ways I still don’t fully understand or appreciate even over two years later.
I spent the morning trying and failing miserably, to capture the beauty that surrounded me on the camera phone I had at the time. As I drove home that afternoon two things dawned on me. Firstly, those conditions were incredibly rare. Secondly, I was in no way equipped to capture them in any meaningful sense. I needed to buy a camera. After several months of online research and putting money aside, a camera finally arrived. I then had to figure out what to do with it and why it had so many buttons, dials, knobs, and switches.
From that point on I immersed myself in photography, landscape photography to be more precise. It has become my great passion and a large part of the reason my general mental health, and more specifically my anxiety, have improved almost immeasurably.
How does a camera equate to improved mental health?
It all comes down to being present in the moment and that engaging in a creative endeavour facilitates this. I came to realize that photography is a creative outlet for the creative side I didn’t know I had. Johnny Depp recently said that playing guitar is the only thing that brings him peace. I get that now.
Participating in a creative endeavour of any kind calms the mind. It focuses our energy on the now and not on the past or future. There I times when I’ve hiked twenty kilometres with a heavy camera bag on my back and yet at the end of the day I feel energized.
It took me some time, but I eventually understood it was because I was grounded. I’d spent the day in an almost meditative state. As I walk and scan the landscape for interesting subjects and intriguing compositions, I am focused purely on myself and the immediate environment around me. Yesterday’s mistakes are in the past and tomorrow’s problems are tomorrow’s problem. I am present. I am calm. I am grounded. I am in the moment and nowhere else.
It took me 38 years to figure out I had a creative side. Photography happens to be my outlet for that, along with some occasional painting and writing. It opened my eyes to a part of me I didn’t even know existed. From discussions with fellow photographers, many feel the same way. I now believe that as human beings we all have a creative side. Therefore, we all need an outlet for that creative energy and a positive way to channel it. Those of us with anxiety will attest to the fact we can be pretty damn inventive when it comes to imagining all the ways tomorrow could go badly.
Landscape photography isn’t for everyone. Hiking up a mountain at 5AM in the middle of winter to capture a sunrise is definitely a little niche, to say the least. There are however creative outlets all around us. Writing, painting, music, cooking, interior design, and a myriad of other options are out there waiting for you to dive into them and the key thing to realize is that you don’t have to be good at them. Create for yourself. You don’t need to be Michelangelo, Mozart, or Virginia Woolf.
Whether you chose to share whatever it is you create with anyone is entirely up to you. Maybe those words go unread by anyone other than you. Maybe those notes from that guitar are for your ears only. Or maybe you just eat all the muffins yourself.
The purpose isn’t global acclaim, it’s engaging in the process. Anything artistic is subjective. There is no right or wrong. Just allow yourself to play, safe in the knowledge that nobody has to witness it unless you want them to.
Finding your creative outlet can take some time but that exploration into yourself is a positive step in any regard. We always have the answers we need within ourselves but if you’re really struggling for ideas to get started just pick up a pencil and paper and start drawing.
Draw a cat. Sitting in a lift. Wondering where the two elephants went.
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