My name is Charlene. I am a stay at home Mum to three boys. I am originally from Liverpool and am a huge fan of Liverpool Football Club. I have Type 2 Bipolar Disorder.
Let’s be honest, mental health disorders can bring up all kinds of images, for example:
SCHIZOPHRENIA;
Hearing voices?
Crazy person?
Scary?
Unpredictable?
Dangerous?
Schizophrenia is a chronic, severe brain disorder but many people live perfectly normal* lives once they receive the correct treatment. More research is being carried out to help find effective medication and to help understand the causes.
*Normal?? What is ‘normal’??!
SEE! Not that scary right?
What about….
BODERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER;
It only effects females?
It’s not a ‘genuine’ diagnosis?
It comes from poor parenting?
Borderline personality disorder is common in BOTH male and females and although there were disagreements on how it was diagnosed, professionals are now able to establish symptoms and observe patterns.
Although parents often do contribute to their offspring’s mental health issues*, it is very easy to simply pass on the blame. Now it is seen as a combination of environmental and genetic factors.
*Well, thanks guys!
But I digress.
They are just a couple of examples of how a mixture of poor mental health education and lack of resources can influence our views and how we see people. Let’s take me for example!
Charlene….. Funny, lively, helpful, caring, modest (ahem), football loving Scouse bird.
I also have Bipolar Disorder so I am sometimes sad, uninterested, tired, restless, irritable, and suicidal.
BUT as the theme goes, I also have Bipolar Disorder so sometimes I am hyper! Fast talking, take on many projects at once, need very little sleep, and feel like I have sharper senses, like I have a better ability than others, impulsive.
You could be tired just reading that because sometimes I’m tired from trying to keep myself level. People have generally taken well to me for all the reasons I describe in the first part of my ‘modest’ description. Yet once I confide in some people I have found that all my normal* traits become analysed.
*There’s that word again….
If I cancel a coffee date then people panic. If I’m excited about something then I am asked have I taken my meds and it’s the same if am not excited! People assume I am depressed. To be honest I’d sooner watch Netflix and chill with a tub of ice cream.
Once my diagnosis comes into it, it becomes hard for people not to judge me by it. This is of course understandable! Most people care and just want me to be ‘well’ but it means if, like everyone, I have a bad day then I’m treated like a victim.
I AM NOT MY DIAGNOSIS.
I AM CHARLENE
I HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER, BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE ME!
Everyone has a coping mechanism. Mine is exercise (I really wish it was ice cream!!) and music, although that can be used in highs and lows but still does the job of allowing me to ‘escape.’
This seems so simple on the surface. Get Up! Get Washed! Get Dressed (although who knows what is or isn’t under a hoodie!!) Get Out!
“You’ll feel great when it’s done”
“It releases happy hormones”
“You’ll lose weight!”*
*Wait? What? Does my bum look big in this?
This is all very true (except the bum bit – no promises on the hoodie!) but when my mood is low it takes every ounce of willpower and strength to get out of bed! So on these days I take it hour by hour or even every 30 minutes.
7am: “Nooooo, Nope, no, no, NOPE!! Not. Happening”
7.30am: I’m up! “Not getting dressed. Going back to bed after the school run”
8am: “Maybe I should eat?”
8.30am: “I could at least get dressed”
9am: “Let’s do this!!”
That’s not every day. Some days are easier, some harder. Some days I succumb to the voice in the back of my mind telling me to go back to bed but my point is that no matter how hard it is or how bad I feel, I know that if I’m kind to myself and take baby steps then I can talk myself into (and out of don’t forget) going to the gym or for a walk and afterwards….
I ALWAYS FEEL BETTER!!
Might not last, might last the day, and might only make my unbearable day somewhat bearable! Even if it is only a 1% improvement it will always be positive.
My passion for all things Liverpool has taught me this; You’ll never walk alone
Never a truer word spoken.
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