People talk often about being depressed at Christmas, or around New Years. The forced jollity, the smiles and happy families can often just reinforce feelings of sadness, crappy relationships, or feeling numb and unable to enjoy life. All classic symptoms of depression. But a time I find it even harder to deal with depression is the summer.
Ice creams, BBQs, family fun days, outdoor gigs. Instagram stories of friends at festivals, clinking cocktails, two shiny legs on a beach. People saying things like “you couldn’t be inside on a day like this.” The constant feeling of pressure to be out enjoying the sun. To be sociable. To be having the Best Summer Ever ™.
When some days all you can manage is lying around the house. When some days getting dressed is an ordeal. It sometimes feels like the outside world is the opposite of your depression. It doesn’t let you lean into it, even on really bad days. It screams “no lying in bed for you”.
Maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe the pressure of the sun and the happy times promised by the outside world is good for me. Maybe it stops me from allowing myself to sink into the darkness. But some days, some days it feels like a curse.