It was a Sunday evening when my sixteen-year-old daughter had the worst meltdown I had seen from her since she had been a toddler.
Dinner was over, and my wife and I were washing dishes and talking. Suddenly we heard a crash and a scream that traveled all the way across the house. My blood went cold, and we took off running to my daughter’s room to find her on the floor, sobbing. Next to her was the mirror that hung from her closet door, broken into shards.
Thankfully, she was not physically hurt. But it took us almost an hour to calm her down and find out what it was that had happened.
Apparently, she had just gotten a text from her boyfriend. He had broken up with her because they were not spending enough time together. She had been spending hours after school working on her grades for a maths class she struggled with, as well as a band, and a couple of advanced courses.
She had not had any time for herself to unwind for weeks. That text sent her over the edge, and she had thrown her phone at the mirror, causing it to fall and break. It seemed in that moment my daughter had broken as well.
Stress and the Modern Teenager
The American Psychological Association has found that teenagers face stress at rates almost identical to their parents. But they have less experience and brain development that is necessary for managing that stress. Not to mention the lack of control over their own lives, due to their age. That can make stress a particularly harmful element to their daily lives.
That isn’t the only problem. A long-term study performed over twenty years followed children starting when the children were only a year old. They found that while early stress can lead to early maturation of the brain, stress in younger teens can actually delay that maturation.
Of course, some stress is normal. With a support network, a moderate amount of stressful situations will teach your child the skills they need to get ahead as adults. But without the tools to care for themselves, such as basic self-care, they won’t be prepared for the next stages of life. Especially when college and careers roll around.
Ways To Teach Your Teenager About Self-Care
Below are some ways us parents can actively teach our children how to use healthy self-care tools.
- Give Them a Break – Of all of the people your teenager wants to impress, the parents are the biggest ones. They want you to be proud and are prone to feelings of worthlessness when they feel they have fallen short in your eyes. If you suspect your child is pushing themselves too hard because of your expectations, sit them down and have a conversation. Get on the same page about their goals and future, what can be done to reach them and how you can help. Ask them to be honest about how they feel and what they need. If something needs to be let go or dropped for their well being, show them that it is alright to do it.
- Have Family Quiet Time – In my home, we have what is called Family Quiet Time. It is one hour every night after dinner where everybody does something quietly on their own, purely because they want to do it. Whether it is read, take a long bath, watch a TV show or play a game, they can do it as long as they are not disturbing anyone else’s quiet time. Not only has this helped to create some self-care time every day, but it has also limited the amount of screen time that our younger kids had been getting.
- Encourage Friendships – Friends are so important, especially to a teen. When stress is high, and they have less time, their friendships will often suffer. That can have a detrimental impact on their mental and emotional health. Try and find times to allow your teen to go out with friends. Invite those friends over for dinner, or to go to family days out. Make it easier for your teen to see the people they care about.
- Get Out Of The House – Whether you are going for a hike in the beautiful mountains nearby, riding bikes in the park or volunteering, getting out of the house as a family can be cathartic for everyone. My family will take turns suggesting outings one day a week, so each person gets to do something they really want to do every six weeks.
- Find a Therapist For Teens – In the event your teen is depressed or struggling, they can get a lot from talking to someone neutral, where they can be more open and honest. Considering finding your teen a therapist to speak to, even if it is only once a month.
With the help of supportive parents, teens can learn the art of self-care. It is a lesson that will be valuable for the rest of their lives.