Everyone has bumps in their relationships: moments where we fight, times when we disappoint, issues that frustrate us – and yet these are but small challenges we face as humans. As partners we want to support each other, especially during the greater challenges that can happen. For me and my husband, one of the great challenges we faced in our relationship was his depression.
Just over two years ago, a combination of very stressful events in our lives caused my husband to crumble emotionally. The warning signs were there, but to my regret I wasn’t aware enough to react and get help for him in time, and he got very, very low.
However, he knew he needed to talk to someone and address what was happening. He contacted a centre in Newbridge called Aras and he began intensive therapy there. Through them, he was put in touch with Mojo in Celbridge. He went to meet with Niamh there, not realising that their chat was actually an interview to assess his suitability. He ticked all the boxes, and began his Mojo journey.
Mojo is a 12-week programme that gives men the tools they need to face any adversity that comes their way. They support men in building mental and physical fitness, create plans for the future and introduce them to services in the community that can further support men. Within a few weeks I could see a massive difference in him. The sense of panic was lifting and his mood began to improve. As the weeks went by, he got better and stronger. Without Mojo, I’m really not sure how things would have finished up for us.
From my point of view, Mojo was an absolute life saver. I couldn’t help him, I was simply too close. He needed to meet with other men, to realise that he was not alone. Slowly, I could begin to relax and to feel that he would be okay.
It takes a huge amount of patience and strength to live with someone who is depressed. I found it to be immensely tiring, mentally and physically. Day to day responsibilities fall entirely on your shoulders, everything from housework to finances, as well as keeping your own job and day to day life going. It can be so very difficult to hold back from saying things like “pull yourself together”, although of course we all know that this is entirely the wrong thing to say. But the exhaustion that comes with constantly walking on eggshells grinds you down.
I can understand why some partners simply cannot cope, and that marriages break up. It’s hard work, made even harder by the appalling effects of recession and the stresses that come with that.
The hardest thing for me was watching my husband fall deeper and deeper into depression. I saw the life draining out of him; he was full of despair. I think he got to a point where he didn’t even have the energy to be angry any more. When a man’s confidence goes, it’s a very long road back. Mojo gave him that and gave him the skills to help himself.
He has made some wonderful friends through Mojo. They are a great bunch of lads and they do whatever they can to help each other through the tough times. It’s good to see men opening up and talking freely. For too long, men have been expected to be strong and silent, and this just doesn’t work.
I think things are changing slowly in Ireland. I hope that generations to come will find it easier to talk and be open about their feelings. Groups like Mojo are invaluable, and without question, save lives. I hope in time there will be a Mojo group in every town in Ireland.
For anyone who is concerned about their husband, boyfriend, son… please look up Mojo and see if they can help. It’s a lonely time when you’re not sure where to turn, or what to do. And the Mojo wives and partners need to take time for themselves too. We too shoulder an enormous burden and we need to allow ourselves to feel angry about that. It’s okay to be stressed and tired and cross, it’s perfectly normal! It is important for everyone to have a space to share and connect, and for my husband and many men, Mojo creates a space where they can build social connections to help them help themselves.
Mojo have organised an event, Mojo Rising, taking place on International Men’s Day this Sunday November 19th, in The Grand Social in Dublin, a festival of music, comedy, dance and spoken word to celebrate all Mojo Men, and to shine a light on men’s mental health to ignite a national conversation on what it means to be a man. This International Men’s Day is a really important day for Mojo Men, their families and their friends and I urge everyone to attend and show your support.
For more information about Mojo and to get your tickets for Mojo Rising please go to mojo.ngo
Help information
Help informationIf you need help please talk to friends, family, a GP, therapist or one of the free confidential helpline services. For a full list of national mental health services see yourmentalhealth.ie.
- Samaritans 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org
- Pieta House National Suicide Helpline 1800 247 247 or email mary@pieta.ie – (suicide prevention, self-harm, bereavement) or text HELP to 51444 (standard message rates apply)
- Aware 1800 80 48 48 (depression, anxiety)
If living in Ireland you can find accredited therapists in your area here:
Support Our Campaign
We rely on the generosity of the public to fund our work and so far together we have achieved great things! Please do continue to support us so we can provide future generations in Ireland with the resources to recognise and talk about their emotions, and equip them to navigate the ever-changing world around them as they grow
